Wife, Mummy, Nurse: Random Thoughts {On Birth Control and Suffering}

11 March 2013

Random Thoughts {On Birth Control and Suffering}

I get easily discouraged sometimes.  I want more children, but we are not in a position to be having more right now.  So, we use birth control.

I know.  I know. I've already mentioned the desire for children before on this blog; I do it because I'm tired of getting burnt when I tell people the reason Drew and I are not trying to have more children currently.  It's suggested that we're sinning because after all children are blessings.  Or that we need more faith.  So, I blog about the frustrations here because there's not many people I feel I can open my heart to {besides my husband} and be safe without severe criticism.

Last week was bad.  In part, I think it was because Drew was sick and was not as able to pray and comfort me like he usually is when I enter these dark periods.  Instead, I had to listen to sermons and read my Bible more-both of which are good things.  

I have hesitated in the past to compare myself with Rachel or Hannah because I'm not barren {at least as far as I know}.  While I have never said, "Give me children or I shall die!" like Rachel said in Genesis 30:1, I have found myself dwelling on the matter and elevating having more children as an idol.  This is what I hate about sin; I know it's wrong of me to have these idols.  I pray for God's grace daily.  If it's not more children, it's something else.  

Unlike Elkanah {1 Samuel 1}, Drew doesn't have another wife, so I don't have another wife taunting me like Hannah did.  But sometimes Christians with their "helpful" comments feel like Peninnah to me; it's always been women who have made comments about children being blessings or not having enough faith or we're just look for excuses.  Drew has probably felt like Elkanah; he doesn't understand why women want children so much.  When Charis was napping, I decided to listen to a sermon on 1 Samuel-yes, by another preacher from the UK.  We both found it helpful, and I hope to listen to it again when I'm able.  

I also look to Christ, who suffered on the earth for 30+ years and died for me.  I pray for God to be gracious and provide Drew with a job.  One that he would be able to support us enough to have more children.  These sufferings make me long for heaven, where I can be in God's presence and worship Him perfectly.  Please, if you're a Christian, be gracious {not harsh}, listen, and most importantly pray.


  1. My husband and I waited for five years before we started trying for kids. We were wanting to get our lives in order before adding children to the mix. A lot of it had to do with being financially stable. I grew up as a child to a single mother. We were often hungry and without a roof over our heads. I never ever want that for my children. Thus, I was determined to ensure that we could provider for our children before we dove in a started having babies. I know this is not always possible but it was what I wanted to do as best as I could do it.

    On the flip side, a dear friend of mine said she did not want to wait and would rather just sign up for Medicaid and let the government pay for her to have babies and that I should do the same. Now I take care of a lot of Medicaid folks and most of them did not choose their lifestyle so I have nothing against Medicaid folks but I certainly did not want to bury myself financially so that I would always have my kids in the Medicaid system. After all, it is tax payers like me that would be paying for it. No, she had her 4 babies with the help of the government and I still have my two but I am happy to report we did it without affecting the tax payers. Plus, I know now I could support my family should something ever happen to my husband.

    We all do things for our own reasons. We are all parents and humans and children of God. I do not understand strong criticisms for someone's choices especially when made with prayerful intent.

    I am so sad people have been critical of you. Heavens knows we were accused many times of being "selfish" because we did not have kids. Just turn the other cheek. Those people are also working on themselves and just need to focus a little more on not passing judgement. "He who is without sin may cast the first stone."

  2. one truth I rest in most confidently is that the Lord is sovereign even in the area of our family planning. While we may plan our way, it is HE who directs our steps, right? Will keep you in my prayers, dear friend. ~Lisa

  3. I'm so sad people are putting pressure and guilt on you. They have no right to do so, and I'm hoping as TRex mom said that you can just look past them and focus on what God wants for YOU.
    Children are blessings from the Lord, but it doesn't mean anybody is out of God's Will just because they aren't having a baby every 10 months!!
    As a Christian, I have no issues with birth control for pretty much any reason - I figure, if God really wants me to have a baby THAT BAD, He can certainly overcome a little BC! :) LOL :) I say that tongue in cheek but... sorta serious.
    I just want to say that you're doing the right think by prayerfully considering when the right time is to grow your family and waiting on God to provide your family / husband with a job/resources. You know your family and situation best, and whether you are ready or have resources for another child.
    Hang in there!!!